What surgeries I am facing in the near future

I met with the surgeon yesterday, and I didn't think my eyes would be so swollen from the amount of tears I cried. I learned a vast amount of information that left me feeling overwhelmed and drained. The cast was taken off and X-rays were performed. The fusion is healing great, and that's always exciting to hear. My surgeon spoke to the dystonia specialist and the dystonia specialist wanted to try another round of Botox. The surgeon felt this was not going to work, especially since this has been tried 4 other times and was unsuccessful. The surgeon was explaining that it is necessary I have more surgery otherwise I will not be able to walk again. The surgeon is discussing doing a z cut in my achillies tendon, as this will lengthen it. He explained that he may have to severe the achillies once he opens up my leg depending on how it looks. Currently my achillies feels like it's going to tear at any second, and he said that there is a chance that the achillies would tear on its own because of how severe it is contracting. He said if this happens, this would not be the worst thing. He explained that with any surgery I do, I am risking the chance that it will not work, but it is my only option if I want to walk again. He is recommending the surgery be done sooner than later.  

The subject of my right foot came up, as it still needs to be dealt with. At this point my toes are breaking down further,  causing pain and swelling. I have had 2 falls within two weeks, and it was recommended I use the wheelchair mainly. There was questioning of when the surgery of the right foot would occur, and this is unclear at the moment. I did learn that I am facing potential amputation again, as the surgeon is unsure if he can save my toes for sure. We are hoping he will be successful again, but he had to be realistic that this surgery is not guaranteed to get my toes back. 

Once I heard this, the tears were flowing. The surgeon kept saying how much this sucks but he's determined to get me to walk as this is the ultimate goal. People have asked me if I trust this doctor, and my answer is always yes. He is the chief of orthopedic surgeons for Brigham and Woman's Faulkner Hospital, and brought in more than 8 specialists to ultimately decide how to approach my first surgery. I am terrified to know what I am facing, but I know I am in the best hands. 

I cried for most of the day, as this was so much to absorb. I was drained physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was so sad to hear what I am facing, and felt defeated. I kept wondering where is the light at the end of the tunnel? I look at my friends who are my age and I become down on myself  because I am not doing what a typical 20 something year old should be doing. I know my time will come, it's a matter of when. 

I'm exhausted from today's events, and I'm ready for tomorrow to be a new day. Anytime I hear news that is overwhelming, I need 24/48 hours to sit and process the information. Once that time frame is up, I can move on and focus on the things that are important to me that make me happy.