Cannabis can be healing 🌱🙏🏻

After my freshman year of college, I vowed I would never smoke pot again after a really bad trip. Fast forward 4 years later, I would never expect to have a  conversation with a relative about whether marijuana could help my pain. This family member had always viewed holistic approaches as beneficial to the whole self, and I have to admit that this person was right. 

In 2015, I got my medical marijuana card, as it's been legal in Massachusetts since 2012. I was really interested learning as much as I could about cannabis. I wanted to understand the laws and regulations, especially as it is still illegal on the federal level. I started reading books and watching documentaries, all discussing how marijuana can help numerous health issues both physically and mentally. The more that I learned, the better I could understand what strands of cannabis may be more beneficial for my symptoms. Its all about trial and error to figure out what is the best fit.

Cannabis has not only been beneficial for my physical health, but it has also been really helpful for my mental health. I have found it has helped with my anxiety, depression, and ADHD. When I use it, my mood is elivated, which has enhanced my creativity. Art has always been a big part of my life, and for a long time I stopped doing it all together due to depression. Since I started taking cannabis, I have been able to go back to doing what I loved; expressing myself. I finally got back into painting, and explored other forms of art, including writing. 

If it wasn't for this relative, I wouldn't have thought 

 marijuana could be used as a form of medication. In the last 2 years of having the medical marijuana card, I have learned so much on how holistic treatments in conjunction to western medicine can really help ones quality of life. Cannabis is a hot topic, and medical researchers are trying to learn as much as they can. The National Institute of Health awarded a federal grant for $3.8 million dollars over the next five years, to study chronic pain patients using opiods vs cannabis as pain management. Currently there are 29 states that have legalized medical marijuana, and there is hope that this number will increase within the next few years. 

Lack of sleep can really impact your emotional health

With RSD/CRPS, sleep does not exist. I have always struggled with sleep, but especially the last couple of days. Within a 48 hour span, I had only slept for 6 hours in total, which left me as an emotional wreck. I had just had my surgery scheduled for October 12th to have my achillies either lengthened or severed, and I did not fully process how soon it is actually occurring. There are many emotions I am feeling about this surgery, and I haven't fully processed them yet. I am still grieving in many ways, especially with the loss of independence and my mobility. Along with this news, I had a conversation with my NP regarding a conversation she had with my Dystonia specialist, and for some reason I broke down crying. I appreciate that my dystonia specialist reached out to my NP and my therapist, but I was also feeling very sensitive about the subject matter they were discussing. They did not have a bad discussion, but I interpreted it as they did. In the past, I have had doctors accuse me that my symptoms were all psychological, and I had a PTSD flash back of that was what was going on. I know my medical team is strong and finally working together, but this is something I am not use too. For a long time, I had to collaborate with my medical providers, as no one was working together. Because I am not use to this, I am always on guard trying to protect myself, as this is my coping mechanism. I am extremely sensitive talking about Dystonia with my providers, as I always feel that they think I am just a psych case. My symptoms of Dystonia does not match up to any specific form of Dystonia, which ultimately frustrates me as I still feel like providers view me as a psych case. With the limited sleep that I was on, I was even more sensitive, and become defensive. The PTSD that I have from the past is something I am tackling in therapy. There are many people that are afraid to talk about going to counseling, as they may feel others are judging them, or think of them differently. When you find the right therapist, you feel safe, and comfortable to work on difficult issues that are arising in your life.

I've learned that if you don't work on the difficult issues you may be going through, you will do more damage to yourself. It took a long time for me to push myself to go back into counseling, as I had bad experiences in the past. Even though I was in the mental health field, and went to school for counseling, I never wanted to enter counseling for myself. I wanted to help others more that I wanted to help myself. Once I was diagnosed with Dystonia, and was wheelchair bound, that was when I realized I needed help. There were many emotions that I was feeling: anger, sadness, frustration, and isolation are just some of the examples. When I first entered counseling, I was an anxious mess. I was going through a lot of stress, including emotional abuse. At this time I was being bounced around from specialist to specialist being told I was a psych case, and the only person I trusted was my therapist. She was the person to listen when I was ranting that my anxiety was through the roof, and she would help me figure out methods to help me cope. My therapist helped me find resources to help with medical expenses, along with helping me strategize how to approach the medical professionals. It got to a point that I looked forward going to counseling, as it was a third party that could help me rationalize different things that were occurring. One of the biggest things I learned from counseling is lack of sleep can impact the way you think and rationalize emotions. Because my sleep is limited, I can be sensitive to different subjects without realizing it, along with my mood can change without realizing it.