What it feels like to sit in pre op once again

As I walk into the pre op room at Faulkner Hospital, I’m greeted by a familiar face who states “onto another surgery?”  I smiled and said “4 surgeries later, were finally tackling my right side”. She is the sweetest secretary, and last time I saw her, we were discussing about a company that will deliver edible raw cookie dough. I was in heaven eating that, and I thank my friend Kerry for sending me such a thoughtful surprise. 

I’m sitting in the same chair I was last time, and everything still smells the same: sterile. I’m looking at my phone, and talking with my friend who accompanied me, and I noticed I felt a sense of ease; my right foot will be tackled in 7 days, and I can close this chapter in my life.

As much as I don’t want to undergo the pain with the recovery, I am ready to get this done. I have seen how far I have come with my left leg, and the pain will be worth it when I’m able to stand on my right foot without my toes being contracted. I often think about how I want to celebrate having my feet again when these surgeries are completed. For me, I want to feel the sand in between my toes. 

Going through surgery is never easy, and I remember being terrified going through this not even a year ago. I had so many thoughts and emotions going through my head, but the biggest thought was “how am I going to cope if the surgeon couldn’t save my foot?” This time around, that concern that was clouding my brain has diminished. Am I scared, absolutely. Who wouldn’t be, as surgery can be nerve wracking. The primary difference between this surgery and my first surgery, is I feel confident. I have faith in both my surgeon and myself that things will go smoothly.  I am going into this surgery knowing I will wake up with my toes.